Monday, March 31, 2008
What happens when you give everything you have to those people around you, those that you love (like your husband, etc..) at the expense of your own needs, wants, and desires?
Does it change your life slate? Do you wake up one day and realize that no matter how much of your self you give that it doesn't matter?
I have recently come to the conclusion that is what I have been doing. Realizing how much of myself has been ignored to keep him happy has really bothered me a lot lately. I am still processing why I chose to do this, and right now the current thought is that I am terrified of being alone.
I know that I can make it alone.. I just don't want to any more. I want my marriage to survive.. but I cannot do all by myself. Unfortunately, he has to realize that it isn't all about him.. that I am present in this marriage..
**Sigh** I wonder if he will realize it before I decide that I would rather be alone in my own house, instead of being alone in a house of 2. I always amaze myself what I think about when I sit down to write on my blogger.
Does any of the people reading this blog, (assuming that someone is reading it) feel the same or similar? Even if you are the husband who loses himself to keep your wife happy.. I would love to hear from anyone who has been there.. more importantly.. I would love to learn how you have dealt with this type of situation..
Saturday, March 29, 2008
My name is official now.. It is Nikita Blue.. :) I picked it out, did you know? My furmommy was listening to a song by somebody on the radio, and everytime I heard Nikita I would bark or yelp..So, my furmommy asked me if I liked the name Nikita.. I looked at her funny, cocked my head to the side, and yelped.. so.. she named me Nikita Blue.. No, I have NO idea where she came up with Blue.. but I am okay with it.. :) Be looking out for new pictures of me, the kitten, and the BIG dog.. The BIG dog growls at me a lot.. scares the poop out of me sometimes.. I guess she is showing me that she is the Alpha..the leader of the pack...but I am so tiny.. why does she have to do that now.. ???
Okay, I am done.. Here is my furmommy..
I thought that would be cute..I don't know for sure now.. :) I just LOVE this little addition to our house. Our family is complete now.. we have 2 dogs and 1 kitten who thinks that she is totally grown. Her name is Moose.. and she is truly been through the ringer in her short 8 1/2 months on the planet.. Here is a picture of her.. I hope it loads here where I want it to show..
Yay! It showed up! I just have to do HTML code.. Yippee! Anyway, Moose is the kitten that any readers may hear me mention.. Chewi is in a previous post.. so everybody is here now.
I am truly blessed to have all of this love around me. It really makes my days fuller when I have all of this activity and love from my furbabies..There is definitely something cool about seeing them all come running for me when I walk in the door..My little puppy is sleeping right now in her basket. Her crate will be here next week, but for now, she sleeps in a laundry basket with her water bottles taped to it.. What a contraption those are.. :) Who knew?
This week has really been a doozy.. Relatives in the hospital..driving to see them almost 4 hours away.. in a little bitty car that does not make a comfortable ride.. Then seeing my mom's reaction to her sister being so ill.. that was really hard. I am not all that close with my aunt, but I am close with my mom and her other sister, and both of them really had a hard time seeing their sister in ICU. If you are a praying person, and you are reading this blog, please send up a prayer or two for my aunt Sue. The doctors tell us that if she makes it over the next 2 weeks, it will be a miracle. Her kidneys are failing.. she had a pulmonary embolism AND an MI at the same time.. That is what put her in the hospital ICU this past Monday. It really is touch and go.
Thank you for your prayers for this stranger. I can only hope that God hears all of the prayers going up for her, and that she can come out of this to live many more years. She is only 54. That is so young to have all of this happening to you. Just too freakin young..
Okay.. I am done here for now.. please feel free to leave a comment if you want to. It would be nice to see that people are actually reading the ramblings of my world.
Take care and hug someone you love today!
Monday, March 24, 2008
See, I have kept my part of this promise up, even so far as not spending $20 on anything that has not been planned or discussed between the 2 of us. The only variance that happens is at the grocery store. I seem to always remember something that I forgot when I am walking down the aisle in the grocery store. It seems that even as hard as I plan my weekly menus, the ingredients needed, plus any staples that I have ran out of that week.. I always remember something that I forgot to write on the list. Of course, I do not count this in that same promise above. Perhaps I should..Anyway..back to this weekend...
Never mind that I have been telling him since the first part of December that I was actively looking. Never mind that I have been telling him since we had to put Kayla down in 2006 that I really NEEDED a little dog to fill that void that was left by my losing Kayla. You know if you are a pet lover, that when you have to put down a pet, whether it is unexpected or not, there is a HUGE void in your heart.. I knew that Kayla was close to the end of her life for 2 years before I actually had to make the decision..but that did not ease my heartache, nor did it get any easier to come home and not see that little furball dancing for me and wagging her tail madly because I walked in the door.. Am I the only one that gets this?
He admitted yesterday that he did hear me all of these years since putting Kayla down about getting another puppy.. He said that he believed that I knew that I could not get another puppy until Moose was healed and in her forever home. I did know that, and when I placed her the first time, I started looking then. I did not expect those people to bring her back, I believed them when they said that they would get her the care that she needed medically and that they would be okay with her special needs status. Never mind that I was socking money away until I got the money saved up for a new puppy..That took me from December until now to do that socking away a little bit at a time.
We really got into it yesterday morning.. Finally yesterday afternoon, after I had returned to dog to keep peace..he told me that I could go get her back if the lady would sell her to me again. I made him tell me why he was changing his mind after being so dead set against it earlier that day. He told me that he truly believed that I did not mention this to him on Thursday, and he felt lied to and betrayed when I came home with her on Saturday night. He also said that he was upset that I did not involve him in the process of picking her out or anything. I didn't do that because I was pretty sure that he was not all that keen about getting another pet. He is perfectly happy with just Chewi, and he tolerates Moose..
He made me promise that I would not ask him to let me get another dog until one of these two dies..and I could make that promise easily.. so I did.
Then he goes with me to pick her up again, and the breeder (bless her soul) told him in no uncertain terms that she would not give a refund again. She told him that she was not in the breeding for the money, and she knew that I would provide this puppy with a forever home from the first moment I held her. She told him that she knew that I was a rare one, and she believed that I needed to give this baby a home forever. She told him that the money that I was willing to pay for her spoke volumes about that committment. She showed him in the sales contract where it is written in all caps that she will not give a refund under ANY circumstances once the puppy leaves her home. I know that if she did not give a refund, I would not have a legal leg to stand on in court because it is written out and I signed the contract knowing this. I was lucky that she agreed to take her back in the first place. She said that he needed to be SURE that he was okay with this because she would not refund the money again. Yeah, she said that 3 or 4 times before we left that night. So, he promised me that he would not harbor resentment or anger towards me or the puppy, and he said that he was okay with it to her.
I am still a little weary this morning.. but I am a bit encouraged because he held her all the way home..he let her lick him to pieces..and this morning, he was so cute taking him with her down the stairs to go potty.. I told him when we got up that I had to put my hose on before I could go downstairs with him and the dogs.. but when I came into the living room, he had her outside already, and he was playing with Chewi and the puppy.I am glad that he came around..and I do think she will grow on him. I had spent a bit of time with her prior to picking her up.. so I was already attached to her..Heh.. He was toast once he held her all the way home..I knew he would be once he spent a little bit of time with her.
If I am being honest though.. Having a special needs kitty that is well on her way to being whole again, a new puppy, and a somewhat jealous Chew-Chew-Boo is quite taxing on a girl's nerves..
Well, I have to go to work now.. so imagine a drum roll if you will.. I think that I have decided on her official name for her papers..
She is sleeping on her blanket right now, in our biggest laundry basket.. and she is just too precious..Tonight, when he gets home I have to go to PetSmart or Petco and get her some sort of chew toy, some puppy chow, and one of those water bottles that has the little ball in the end. I tried to give her water in a dish last night, and she would not drink it. She would put her face in the water, shake the wet off, and turn away from it.
I have never had a dog do the water bottle thing before. I also have to find a crate for her that fits her through her life until she gets grown. Chewi's cage is way too large for this little munchkin..
Oh, and Moose? she has grow a foot I think since the last pictures a couple of weeks ago. I really think that this chiropractor is working miracles with her. :)
Thursday, March 20, 2008
As i sit here having my lunch, I thought that I would write in my blog..If you have ever read my blog, I apologize to you for not writing more frequently. In the months since my last entry, my life has really been interesting.
As usual, I am listening to another audiobook during my breaks. The one that is playing now is called "The Things We Do For Love" by Kristin Hannah.. If you are an avid reader of either physical books or a listener to unabridged audiobooks, you owe it to youself to hear or read this particular author.
She has a new book out called FireFly Lane.. Her blog can be found at: http://www.kristinhannah.com/
On the right side, you will see the link to click for her blog. I have reviewed the book in my eBay reviews and guides section at: http://catalog.ebay.com/_W0QQ_fclsZ1QQ_pidZ63094363QQ_tabZ3QQ_uaidZ14693342
I have become so addicted to audiobooks that I decided about a month or so ago to sell them here: http://stores.ebay.com/AmazingAudiobooks-Softflex-Gloves
If you go to my store to look around, I thank you a lot! I am really trying to get my store up and running, so I thought that selling bestselling audiobooks would bring lovers of audiobooks and the people that offer them together. I totally love listening to them. I hope you will catch the fever too!
The other item that I sell primarily is called Softflex Gloves. Those gloves work small miracle's for people that have possible issues with carpal tunnel syndrome. They could help the wearer to avoid the surgery altogether. Of course, that statement is not a guarantee, but the gloves have helped a lot of folks by their design. I hope that for whatever reason, you will click into my store and/or to Kristin Hannah's website to read her blog!
At the top of this blog page, there is a picture of my new Shih Tzu puppy that will be coming home with me on Easter! Is she not the cutest little thing?
Would you help me try to name her by the picture you have? I have not ever been really good at naming my puppies, but I do know that it is time to get another puppy since I lost Kayla so long ago. I think that I will always miss her, my Kayla, but I need to have another little girl to love and give that forever home to.. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to leave a comment on my blog..
Thanks so much for reading! My lunch is over, so I gotta go back to work.. I hope to write more blog entries this year.. I also hope to read a few reader comments in the near future! I really DO want to hear what kind of names my reader's could come up with.
I need an "official" regal-type of name for her AKC papers.. but then I need to have a name that we call her normally..
So, readers.. What is the first name that pops into your head when you see the picture of my new puppy? I would love to read your suggestions! Thanks so much!