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Staying Calm, Finding Structure When Life Is in Transition | Dad Blogger: Adult ADD Father of ADHD Children - ADDitude

2010-08-20T12:19:00.000-04:00

Staying Calm, Finding Structure When Life Is in Transition Dad Blogger: Adult ADD Father of ADHD Children - ADDitude

I have to admit that I...

2008-06-05T07:28:00.004-04:00

Wow! I can't believe that June has already begun!

So, let me give you a quick update on the freezer saga that I wrote about the last time..

HH Gregg did step up to the plate and refunded the remainder of my food spoilage. They also replaced the freezer with a new one later the same evening that I called to report the problem. That was the first thing that impressed me, namely because they wanted to originally deliver the new one the next day. When I told them that was not acceptable to me, they agreed to m do a same-day delivery at no charge.

Apparently, the one that was originally delivered had a compressor that was damaged in shipment from Frigidaire to their store. I can't really hold that against them, because I cannot imagine that any appliance store would take brand new appliances out of the box, plug them up to make sure that they work right, and then put the box back over the top. Since I did see the original drivers cut the box open from the back of the truck, so I knew that the first freezer was brand new from the manufacturer.

By the time that I got off the phone with the Executive Customer Relations Department, I was satisfied. It took me from 9 AM to 2 PM EST to become that way, not to mention the extreme level of frustration that I felt for most of that day, but I did eventually get what I wanted. The extended warranty took care of the first $250 of food spoilage, and HHG did the remaining amount, which meant that the whole $400 that I spent to fill that freezer was not all lost to a malfunctioning freezer.. :)

So they did redeem themselves, and I will continue to shop there.. YAY!! They have some really great appliances and other really cool things, and I would have been bummed not to shop there in the future.. :)

I am working on a very long blog post a little at a time, and I hope to have it posted before too much longer..Stay tuned!

I have had an epiphany..

2008-06-03T07:57:00.011-04:00

I went to the doctor on Friday, May 31st, to have my birth control method removed. It was a Mirena, and it was time for it to be removed because it was almost 5 years old. I was expecting a lot of pain, but that didn't happen.

My epiphany came when I actually looked at the scale that they weighed me with when I was in the nurse's office getting checked in for my appointment. In the past few years, I have managed to get the doctor's offices not to weigh me because I just didn't want to see what I knew was going on. Denial is a very large pink elephant in the room in my case. I suppose I thought if I didn't see the numbers, I could continue to convince myself that I had only gained a little bit back.

Oh..I can't even begin to express all of the feelings that went through my brain at that moment. I am still feeling these emotions. That morning I felt betrayed, by myself, which is a bad feeling to have, ya know? I was hurt. I wanted to cry, too. I was mad as hell, and I felt sick to my stomach all at the same time.

Dr. Phil, among others, would say that in order to change anything that you do not like about your life or situation, you have to bring it to the front of your mind, acknowledge whatever it is, and then take the steps necessary to change it. This means that I have to admit to myself, if no one else, that I have managed to gain quite a bit of the weight that I originally lost back. Saying that out loud or writing it in this blog satisfies that requirement, and it makes me pure sick..

I suppose for this post to make any sense, I should mention a bit of my history. I have always been morbidly obese to super-morbidly obese. I got that way by compulsively overeating since I was around the age of 10. If I felt any emotion, no matter what it was, I would eat myself into oblivion. Chocolate cakes, macaroni and cheese, sandwiches that were piled with meats and cheeses, biscuits and gravy, yadda..yadda.. My BMI has been as high as in the 70s range. That was in 2001. Here is a picture of me back then:

This picture was taken on our wedding day, obviously.. :) That was on November 10, 2001. I weighed 454 pounds that day, and I stand 5 feet 9 inches tall. My wedding dress weighed about 25 pounds, so it was a real struggle to just move slowly, much less walk with any confidence.

Here is a closeup, and it also happens to be my favorite wedding photo:

This next picture was taken in August of 2002 at a party.

Here is another picture that shows how much I lost just a wee bit better:

In the picture above, I had lost 187 pounds. I used to wear that skirt so much! It was the prettiest skirt that I had ever owned. I was at an associate's house who was going to alter that skirt to fit me better. I was quite excited to see that picture, too. It really made it something real, ya know? I weighed 271. I had weight loss surgery. If you would like to know more, please visit:

http://www.duodenalswitch.com/patients/cia/cia.html

This link will take you to my patient page, as well as my story prior to weight loss surgery. I had the first part of a duodenal switch, which at that time was called the vertical gastroplasty. The only part that was altered was my stomach. The concept was to remove 2/3 of my existing stomach (the part that literally grows when I would overeat), making it into a banana-shaped stomach, so that I would lose at least 100 pounds. That weight loss would enable the surgeon to get to my organs better with the laparoscopic tools needed to do the rest of the surgery. Then I was supposed to come back and have the 2nd part of the surgery, which would help the rest of the 254 pounds that I needed to lose come off. With the malabsorption part of the surgery, I would only absorb 60% of the protein I ate, and 30% of the fats and carbs that I ate. Of course, I will have to take vitamins for the rest of my life and deal with stinky poop.. Yet, I haven't even known poop to smell like roses.. :) Still, I never went back for the 2nd part because I thought that the weight was steadily coming off, so I thought that I didn't need to do the 2nd part, the malabsorption part because it was steadily coming off and I wasn't gaining it back! I kept the weight off for a little over 2 1/2 years. In the last couple of years, the weight has slowly started to creep back on. At the time of my surgery, there were no stats available on the VG because it was a new concept for super morbidly obese patients that had a huge stomach. The doctors that were doing this 2 part procedure were basically test driving it to see if it was a viable option. While this was going on, stats were being comprised of the patients who were having it done this way.

Sadly, staying rooted in denial did nothing to make me realize how very much it was back until Friday in the doctor's office. Frankly, I am scared out of my freakin mind.. Now, I can get on with this first part of my epiphany..

On Thursday morning, May 30th, I had a conversation with a stranger at my dog groomer's the other day when I took Nikki Blue in for her first bath. This woman just struck up a conversation with me, and she told me that I needed to bless myself.. She said that I needed to take all of the energy that I put in my animals and everyone around me, and redirect it to myself and bless myself.. It was a little spooky, because when she said this to me, she did not know squat about me, or who I was in the least.

Her name is Kristie.. She was standing in line behind me dropping off her Shih Tzu for grooming as well. Both of our pups were black and white.. along with other colors that they had in common.. I thought it was kind of cool..

As I turned to leave the groomer's, she started saying things to me as if she had known me all of my life. Get that I had never seen her before in my life..She was telling me all sorts of things that no one would have known about me if I didn't tell the information to her. She told me that God was telling her this information.. and she proceeded to say other things that she would not have known without some sort of inside information.

Honestly, all I heard was that I needed to bless myself.. I asked her how it was exactly that I was supposed to do that. I told her that I have had several friends that have told me something similar to that, yet no one told me how I was supposed to do it.. She joined those friends and told me that I knew what I needed to do.. So, I got a hair across my butt and told her that no, she was wrong.. I didn't know how to do that.. I had no clue.. Because if I did know that, wouldn't I have done it already? She still didn't give me specifics.. and I left the groomer's office with just a real question in my head and the wonderment of how she knew this information unless it really was God speaking through her. How weird I thought, but I still got chills thinking about it..

Okay, back to the morning in my doctor's office and the scale.. The sickness that I felt earlier slowly turned to anger and then rage before my hubby got home. I admitted my weight gain to myself first, because self-realization is the first step to change, and then when my husband came home, I sat him down to admit how very depressed that I have been for such a long time.. I admitted how much that I would compulsively overeat when I am sad and/or depressed. I admitted that I had been sad and/or pissed off for the last several months, if not years. I admitted how when I smoke, I did it primarily to piss him off.. I admitted that I was SICK of living like this, and that it was going to stop right now.. that night..

And then..I told him that I was done..

I told him that I was not going to beg him to read the book that I mentioned by Harville Hendrix.. I told him that I was not going to nag him to do what he knew needed to be done around the house. I told him that I was going to order my larger bike seat, he was going to put it on my brand new bike in the basement, he was going to get my bike upstairs and make it a stationary one for the time being.. and I was going to lose this weight.. I told him that I refused to get back to my preoperative weight. I told him he would be more than welcome to join me in these efforts, or he could continue to wallow in the fear of the change that he refuses to make..I told him that he needed to enjoy the sweet stuff that is in our house, because I am not wired in such a way to just throw it all away and take that financial hit well.. So, I told him that I would cook it.. but that once that was gone.. that this woman would not bring any more of it into this house. I told him that I knew that if I bring the sweets in this house, that I will eat them. I told him that the only way that I would be successful in this effort was to completely obliterate them from the home..

I told him that if it meant that he would have a mood because he was not getting his sweet fix, then so be it. I told him that he could keep that snit to himself, because I didn't want to deal with it once this starts.

I told him that if he wanted to have childish temper tantrums because he doesn't get his sweet fix each day, then he was going to have them frequently. I told him that I did not want to hear it, and I would not let it effect my resolve. I told him he was going to eat more vegetables, fish, chicken, salads, etc..

I told him that if I did make something sweet like a cake or cheesecake, then I would slice it into individual pieces, freeze them, and then when he wanted something sweet he could thaw it out 1 piece at a time instead of eating it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

He admitted that he did not like the weight that he had gained either. Which will help me with my own resolve. For the most part, I have to accept responsibility for this weight gain that both of us have presently because I cooked all of the high-fat foods. I not only cooked the foods, I ate them as well. I cooked foods very late at night and then went to sleep. I didn't do the necessary exercise to combat the weight. I did it because I wanted to please my new husband, and I knew that he liked my cooking.

When he came to the US, he did not have excess weight on his frame. Over the last few years, he has went from a 36 waist to a 42 waist, an XL shirt to an XXL, and we won't even get into what size increases I have had. It is disgusting. I have admitted this fact to myself, so it is not staying in the denial side of my brain.

I also spoke of many other things that evening. I found out that he had not read one page, let alone a chapter, in Getting the Love That You Want like he had promised me he would 4 weeks or so ago. When I asked him why he hadn't done what he promised, his response was that he was playing his computer games instead. As I was already pissed off, it wasn't a huge stretch to say things to him that he never expected to come out of my mouth.

I told him that there was a reason why he married me. I told him that there was some trait in me that he needed to get from his primary caretaker, that he did not get in his childhood. His primary caretaker was his mom. I said that I did not know what it was exactly that he needed to heal from his childhood, but then there is so much that I don't know about my husband.

He told me that one of the things that he had trouble with where his mom was concerned was her inability to make a decision about anything. She is exasperating in that way, I will admit.. She will throw out a suggestion, then take it back..then suggest something entirely different, and then take that back too. It can drive anyone crazy and most especially her son and my hubby, who is one that craves structure and consistency.

So, he said that he knew that I was assertive, and that if I made up my mind to do something I would move heaven and earth to make it happen. He said that it took a lot to get me to that place, but once I do reach that place I am very determined.
He said that he was glad that I was at this point about my weight, because that meant that he would also lose weight. He will follow my lead if he sees me doing it consistently. He has always done that. If I am cleaning up, he may sit on the couch for a while, but he will eventually get up and start helping me do the tasks at hand. The bad thing is that once this is started, I won't be able to have a slack day, because just as soon as I do..he will think that he has license to slack off, too.

He said that if I did not have this assertiveness, we would not have our own home now, we would not have the dogs that bring both of us joy, we would not have moved into our first apartment, and we would not have any sort of life that remotely resembled a good one. He said that he knew he would still be living in the Netherlands with his parents trying to finish college and get his Masters.. He likes living status quo. He hates change. In the past, I have had to literally drag him kicking and screaming into something new. Once he gets there, he is glad that I made it happen.. but if he had to jump through all of the hoops that I jumped through to make all of this happen, he would not have done it.

Yet I still wonder what other traits his mom had that he sees in me as well. I hope that over the next few weeks, more of this will come to light. The 2 of us are polar opposites. She is very skinny and fit.. I am not. She has more energy than 4 little kids on a summer's day. LOLOL.. She wears me out just watching her.. :)

When I finished this discussion with him, I was still pissed off. I almost burned our dinner, too! I finished cooking it, called him to the kitchen for his dinner.. and then I left the room. When I left the room, he was curled in a fetal position, crying..on the sofa.

For the first time in our lives together, I left the room and I did not pay attention to him. The next morning, he was reading the book. Who knew that having a discussion this way would have caused him to do what he told me he would do?

Readers, if anyone has any ideas on how I can change the way I cook to make it healthier, I would be so appreciative!

With that question, I will sign off.. and look forward to your replies.. Thanks for reading this long diatribe..

Linda
P.S. My bike seat arrives today via UPS! :)

Wow.. where DID the time go?

2008-05-19T09:25:00.004-04:00

Good Morning!

I will preface this blog post by saying that this is a bonified rant. I just have to get this off of my chest, so here I go!

So, I just wanted to get a freezer.. That's all. You know, a freezer that would allow me to buy the bulk quantities of meat and veggies so that I could eventually cut down our weekly grocery bill.

I am sure that most of us have felt the hit from the rising costs of food in the US lately. I mean really, what cost $90 a week last year this time is costing me $130-150 this year. What is UP with that?

Don't even get me started on the freakin' gas prices per gallon.

Sometimes it feels like we are prisoners in our own homes, and we are being forced to grow gardens and learn to bake fresh bread for our families in an effort to cut costs where we can. In reality, a 10-pound bag of flour and yeast costs less than a loaf of bread in the grocery store, right? Loaves of bread run anywhere from $2.89 to $3.79, unless you buy the store brands. Okay, I admit... I don't buy store brands for bread. I have found that it gets stale far quicker than the other brands of bread. Plus, my husband is from the Netherlands, which makes him a very picky bread eater.. I figure he makes the majority of the money in our home, so I can get the bread that he likes for his lunches..

He prefers the homemade bread that I make, but I haven't yet found a recipe for an artisan-type-sandwich bread that he really likes. So, if any of my readers happen to have a link to an artisan-type, chewy, white bread recipe please either put the link in your reply or send it to me via email at: Lindahensens@nc.rr.com. Thanks so much!

Lucky for me, I am one baking and cooking fool. So, I can do this. Doesn't mean I want to, but I am capable of looking through the umpteen million cookbooks that I own and designing a fresher menu, one that is healthier at least 5 out of 7 days a week..

We don't have children, so I have always bought the best cuts of meat, good vegetables, and in season I hit the local Farmer's Market to buy fresh produce.

Wait.. I digress.. onto the rest of my rant.. the freezer.. that is right.. that is what I am ranting about.. the freezer that I bought this past Friday.. I bought a 20.3 CF Frigidaire freezer this past Friday night.. May 16, 2008.. This model # is FFU2065FW4, just in case someone is looking for a freezer too.

The manual advised to wait 4 hours before putting any food in the unit to give it time to get cold enough to freeze food. Being the cynic that I can be at times, I gave it a full 36 hours to get to the right temperature. I went to Sam's and to BJ's Warehouse yesterday, and I purchased about $400 worth of bulk meats and veggies to put in my brand-new-supposed-to-work freezer..

Did I mention that I JUST purchased it this past Friday night?

GRRRRRRRRRR!!

I purchased an extended service plan from H H Gregg at the same time that I purchased the freezer. Thank GOD for small miracles. I have spent the majority of the morning trying to exercise my food spoilage replacement rights through this warranty. I have been transferred to the service facility no less than 4 times, called back to get transferred to GE warranty who doesn't even have a record of my service plan, called the store once it opened this morning.. and I am once again holding on the phone for someone in the customer relations department for another go round of transfer-me-to-the-wrong-department game. Are you familiar with this game? I don't care for it..

I just wanted a freezer.. I had visions of canning and flash freezing fresh veggies from my garden this year.. along with buying bulk meats to get us through the fall and winter months so that I can at least save money on some front.

I spent almost $400 on bulk meats and veggies yesterday. I put the food in the hot/cold bags, you know those insulated ones that keep frozen foods frozen bags? Well, I get home and painstakingly separated all of the meat and veggies out into servings for the 2 of us. I put it all in this NEW freezer.. only to wake up to food that is not frozen and it is in fact quite warm. So now, all of the meat, ice cream, vegetables, ALL of IT is screwed now. Unfortunately, the coverage for food spoilage is only $250, which is better than nothing I know.. but this is SO frustrating. I saw them take this freezer out of the box.. I know it is brand new.

I just don't get it. Why in the world would a company deliver a product that is not working correctly? What is up with that? Frigidaire isn't any help either. The rep there just read the manual to me about waiting 4 hours to put anything in the freezer. Well DUH! I can read that manual, too. I am perfectly capable of comprehending a manual, ya know?

A friend told me to put a glass of water in the freezer to see if it was frozen this morning.. and it is not. It is just as liquid as it was when I put it in there last night. I am so frustrated right now I could scream. I pulled all of my frozen food from my freezer that is on top of my refrigerator, put that in the freezer, and put the meat in that freezer. I don't think that I will be able to eat it without fear of becoming deathly sick.

I guess my point in this long diatribe is to let my readers know that they need to be sure that their products are working properly. Although, I am not entirely sure how to tell if a freezer is working right or not. A friend told me to stick my hand in the water and then place it on the side of the freezer to see what happens.. I did that, hoping and praying that it would stick to the side of the freezer.. Nope.. didn't happen..

So, how do you tell if something is working right when you haven't ever owned a freezer? My heart is broken.. I am angry about it.. and I suppose that the anger is there because it is not something that I could control. I feel so helpless right now. We are not made of money.. I purchased this with that IRS Stimulus Check. If that check didn't come in, I would not even be writing this blog rant.
I am at my wit's end this morning. I just don't know what to do or how to get it done. I just want to cry..

So, I ask my readers.. Have any of you ever felt this way? If so, how did you handle it? I can write a scathing review for the freezer. I can tell all of my readers, family, friends, etc.. about this experience.. but right now, that is not going to replace the hundreds of dollars worth of food loss. What in the world am I supposed to do about this?

Comments welcome.. I just need to get some sort of suggestion, something to help me calm down. I would think that when you pay for an extended service plan that covers food spoilage.. that it would be relatively simple to get the food spoilage money back, wouldn't you?

Okay, I am going to shut up now.. Go fix my breakfast.. go to work.. try to get my mind off of things.. I am not so sure that I will be successful at it.. but I am sure going to try.

Ya'll have a far better week that I am having, won't you? **Sigh** what a way to start a week..

It has been an interesting April, part 2

2008-04-26T09:57:00.005-04:00

Good morning to you!

This blog entry comes from a response that I made to a post that someone wrote on the previous blog entry. I really felt that it needs to be a main entry, so I edited it a little bit to make some sort of sense, and I am sending it out as a main entry. If you are interested in reading the original response, please click on the comment section on my April 16, 2008 entry. (I hope that I got that date right.. It is the first one in April in any case) As always, I invite my readers comments!

I really like blogging a lot. I am glad that someone is enjoying what I have to say. I enjoy reading people's responses on the rare occasion that someone does actually leave a comment. That is what makes blogging interesting for me.

I can only hope that I will get somewhere in this journey and by doing so, I will find that I am able to heal some really old wounds. Wounds that my husband did not put there.

I think what I have been writing about recently, in terms of my marriage, has been going on a lot longer than just lately, and I have just been numb to it all. I really don't know what triggered this happening right now, but it has been going on since February, 2008. Something just opened up and all of this stuff came pouring out at first, and it has continued in little spurts since then.

I am not so sure that I am ready for this, but I have to get a little deeper into it before I can make that conscious choice to either deal with it or stuff it and continue on as before. I don't think that the stuffing it choice will be a viable one for me to make, because to continue to do that does not validate my feelings, needs, or desires. I would continue to placate him at the loss of my own empowerment. I don't believe that I want that any longer.

I have to believe that I can be ME and not lose my marriage or the love of my life in the process..God, that is so scary! This will be a difficult choice for me in the long run, but it is a decision that I must make for my own mental health and clarity..I just have to break out of that rut, ya know?

I must admit that what I am going through currently is nowhere near as bad as the cards that I have been dealt throughout my lifetime. However, believe me when I tell you that I have been through a whole LOT worse than this, which is probably the reason that I have allowed it to go on as long as I have, (7 years). The damage was done to my psyche many years before I ever met my husband.

Unfortunately, he had his share of crap from his parents as well, so we are both trying to climb out of that gaping black hole that is in our hearts. The bad thing is that both of us thought the other could heal those hurts when we chose each other.

I grew up in a very abusive home. Domestic violence was what I saw most of my childhood in the form of my father hurting my mother in some form almost every day.. So, if I look at that and compare that to my current situation, then this is a piece of cake to get through.. We tend to have far more good times than we have the arguments the inevitablly end up with harsh criticisms and hurtful verbal daggers being thrown at each other. My husband is the expert marksman in terms of the verbally abusive daggers he throws. He knows how to hurt me really badly..and the sad thing is that I gave him the ammunition to use against me by sharing my past with him..When we do fight, it is very devasting to both of us in far more ways that either of us realize. This last one started in February. It seems that we will have a few weeks of tranquility between horrid arguments..but we are at least talking about what is going on instead of denying the existence of it. I think that is a good place to start.

It is a blessing that I am not subjected to drug or alcohol abuse. I was subjected to that when I was growing up from my extended family of origin, along with my father and grandfather in the home..My maternal aunt was/is an addict, and she is only 6 years older than I am. She was one of those "flower children" of the 60s, and I don't think that there is a drug on this planet that she has not tried at least once. Lucky for me, I saw the damage it did to her both externally and internally, and my brother and I learned at a very early age that we would not do that irrepairable harm to ourselves. We both decided that the chain of abuse would stop with each of us in our family. Sadly, I have not had any children, and unless we both decide to adopt, I probably will not get a chance to be a mom and show a child how unconditional love feels..My brother has 1 child with a 2nd one on the way. Both my brother and I decided that we would not drink or do drugs ever.

All of that is a very good thing.. but what we both were left with was a seething underlying rage towards our family..I was quite the angry witch for many years, and I was no fun to be around until I had a friend of mine tell me that I was very angry and that it scared her to be in the same room with me sometimes. That happened when I was 26. It still took me about 8 years before I started to really dig into my pain and sort it all out. I say all of this to say that I am not a stranger to an abusive household. I am not a stranger to the adults that I looked up to being in a drug-induced haze.

Unfortunately for me, my drug of choice is food, and I am a compulsive over eater. I eat to hide my emotions.. I also smoke cigarettes, which until recently I did not see as a drug.. I suppose because they are not illegal, I fooled myself into thinking that nicotine was not a drug. Funny what living in denial can do to a girl, isn't it?

Have a great week!
Linda

It has been an interesting April..

2008-04-16T10:19:00.004-04:00

Good Morning Readers!
I hope this finds you well! I have been having a great April so far. My birthday was last Friday, the 11th. I turned 45. At first, I thought that this birthday would be one that I would dread.. It hasn't been, and I am glad about that.

It has made me begin to assess my life and where it is going. So, that can only be a very good thing. The last blog post that I made at the end of March was very sad, especially when I read it again this morning. It kind of makes my life look bleak, doesn't it?

Someone asked me if we had tried counseling for our marriage.. I failed to answer that question, so let me do that here. My husband is adamantly opposed to having an unfamiliar person, third party, etc.. hear anything about our private life. He does not believe that we need this type of help. I disagree almost as vehemently as he does. I know that I cannot do it all on my own. I can't be the goddess in shining armor that rides in our her white horse to save the day any more than he can be the knight.

What I CAN do is work on myself, my issues, and bring to light the reasons behind why I am doing the self-sabotaging that I am currently guilty of. I can explore why I made the decision to do everything for him to keep him happy and content, so he would not leave, at the expense of myself. There IS an underlying reason, and I believe that the root of it lies in my childhood experiences.. So much has happened in my time on this earth.. I think that it would be ludicrous not to acknowledge that every single painful episode that I have survived did not change my life slate and adversely impact my personality.. I believe that all of them combined totally changed my view of this world and how I relate to any and everyone that crosses my path.

I am not so sure that I relish having to relive all of this again. It was all that I could do to get through it the first time. I do know that I refuse to allow my past to control my present any longer. I am working on becoming more self-aware, but trying to do that without becoming arrogant, cocky, and aggressive will be a challenge for sure.

I know that a successful marriage takes two people. Two people who genuinely love each other, but who also love themselves enough to refuse to accept disrespect of themselves and who believe that they have the right to keep their dignity and mental health intact.

I went through a period like this when I was 36.. I joined a local 12-step group for adult children from dysfunctional families. I joined that group to get a grip on my father and how to deal with his BS that he was pushing big time back then. Very long story.. I went to that group for about 9 months, and when I stopped going, I realized that I did have the right to respect from my father. That was an empowering, sobering thought.. So many lessons learned.. I need to connect to those lessons again and apply them to my current situation.

It will be a really long road.. Does anyone have any comments on how you went through something similar? How do you find your way back to yourself, when it looks like you may have lost the light..

This is going to be SO hard.. Any help, suggestions, or comments would be very much appreciated.. Thank you for reading this blog..

Linda

What happens when you...

2008-03-31T10:40:00.005-04:00

Good Morning Ladies

What happens when you give everything you have to those people around you, those that you love (like your husband, etc..) at the expense of your own needs, wants, and desires?

Does it change your life slate? Do you wake up one day and realize that no matter how much of your self you give that it doesn't matter?

I have recently come to the conclusion that is what I have been doing. Realizing how much of myself has been ignored to keep him happy has really bothered me a lot lately. I am still processing why I chose to do this, and right now the current thought is that I am terrified of being alone.

I know that I can make it alone.. I just don't want to any more. I want my marriage to survive.. but I cannot do all by myself. Unfortunately, he has to realize that it isn't all about him.. that I am present in this marriage..

**Sigh** I wonder if he will realize it before I decide that I would rather be alone in my own house, instead of being alone in a house of 2. I always amaze myself what I think about when I sit down to write on my blogger.

Does any of the people reading this blog, (assuming that someone is reading it) feel the same or similar? Even if you are the husband who loses himself to keep your wife happy.. I would love to hear from anyone who has been there.. more importantly.. I would love to learn how you have dealt with this type of situation..

Thank you..
Linda

Wow, what a week!

2008-03-29T15:22:00.009-04:00

Nikita puppy speaks.. :)

My name is official now.. It is Nikita Blue.. :) I picked it out, did you know? My furmommy was listening to a song by somebody on the radio, and everytime I heard Nikita I would bark or yelp..So, my furmommy asked me if I liked the name Nikita.. I looked at her funny, cocked my head to the side, and yelped.. so.. she named me Nikita Blue.. No, I have NO idea where she came up with Blue.. but I am okay with it.. :) Be looking out for new pictures of me, the kitten, and the BIG dog.. The BIG dog growls at me a lot.. scares the poop out of me sometimes.. I guess she is showing me that she is the Alpha..the leader of the pack...but I am so tiny.. why does she have to do that now.. ???

Okay, I am done.. Here is my furmommy..

I thought that would be cute..I don't know for sure now.. :) I just LOVE this little addition to our house. Our family is complete now.. we have 2 dogs and 1 kitten who thinks that she is totally grown. Her name is Moose.. and she is truly been through the ringer in her short 8 1/2 months on the planet.. Here is a picture of her.. I hope it loads here where I want it to show..

Yay! It showed up! I just have to do HTML code.. Yippee! Anyway, Moose is the kitten that any readers may hear me mention.. Chewi is in a previous post.. so everybody is here now.

I am truly blessed to have all of this love around me. It really makes my days fuller when I have all of this activity and love from my furbabies..There is definitely something cool about seeing them all come running for me when I walk in the door..My little puppy is sleeping right now in her basket. Her crate will be here next week, but for now, she sleeps in a laundry basket with her water bottles taped to it.. What a contraption those are.. :) Who knew?

This week has really been a doozy.. Relatives in the hospital..driving to see them almost 4 hours away.. in a little bitty car that does not make a comfortable ride.. Then seeing my mom's reaction to her sister being so ill.. that was really hard. I am not all that close with my aunt, but I am close with my mom and her other sister, and both of them really had a hard time seeing their sister in ICU. If you are a praying person, and you are reading this blog, please send up a prayer or two for my aunt Sue. The doctors tell us that if she makes it over the next 2 weeks, it will be a miracle. Her kidneys are failing.. she had a pulmonary embolism AND an MI at the same time.. That is what put her in the hospital ICU this past Monday. It really is touch and go.

Thank you for your prayers for this stranger. I can only hope that God hears all of the prayers going up for her, and that she can come out of this to live many more years. She is only 54. That is so young to have all of this happening to you. Just too freakin young..

Okay.. I am done here for now.. please feel free to leave a comment if you want to. It would be nice to see that people are actually reading the ramblings of my world.

Take care and hug someone you love today!
Linda

This past weekend was rough!

2008-03-24T12:08:00.007-04:00

Whew! It was a very close call this weekend. I didn't think that I was going to get to keep her, and it was all because Arno did not recall my telling him that I was going to get her this weekend. I told him that on Thursday evening, and apparently he did not pay attention to me..So, when I brought her home on Saturday evening, he was livid that I would just bring a new puppy home and not discuss it with him before I did that. He seemed to forget that I told him that I would not spend a ton of money on ANYTHING without his express knowledge and agreement.

See, I have kept my part of this promise up, even so far as not spending $20 on anything that has not been planned or discussed between the 2 of us. The only variance that happens is at the grocery store. I seem to always remember something that I forgot when I am walking down the aisle in the grocery store. It seems that even as hard as I plan my weekly menus, the ingredients needed, plus any staples that I have ran out of that week.. I always remember something that I forgot to write on the list. Of course, I do not count this in that same promise above. Perhaps I should..Anyway..back to this weekend...

Never mind that I have been telling him since the first part of December that I was actively looking. Never mind that I have been telling him since we had to put Kayla down in 2006 that I really NEEDED a little dog to fill that void that was left by my losing Kayla. You know if you are a pet lover, that when you have to put down a pet, whether it is unexpected or not, there is a HUGE void in your heart.. I knew that Kayla was close to the end of her life for 2 years before I actually had to make the decision..but that did not ease my heartache, nor did it get any easier to come home and not see that little furball dancing for me and wagging her tail madly because I walked in the door.. Am I the only one that gets this?

He admitted yesterday that he did hear me all of these years since putting Kayla down about getting another puppy.. He said that he believed that I knew that I could not get another puppy until Moose was healed and in her forever home. I did know that, and when I placed her the first time, I started looking then. I did not expect those people to bring her back, I believed them when they said that they would get her the care that she needed medically and that they would be okay with her special needs status. Never mind that I was socking money away until I got the money saved up for a new puppy..That took me from December until now to do that socking away a little bit at a time.

We really got into it yesterday morning.. Finally yesterday afternoon, after I had returned to dog to keep peace..he told me that I could go get her back if the lady would sell her to me again. I made him tell me why he was changing his mind after being so dead set against it earlier that day. He told me that he truly believed that I did not mention this to him on Thursday, and he felt lied to and betrayed when I came home with her on Saturday night. He also said that he was upset that I did not involve him in the process of picking her out or anything. I didn't do that because I was pretty sure that he was not all that keen about getting another pet. He is perfectly happy with just Chewi, and he tolerates Moose..

He made me promise that I would not ask him to let me get another dog until one of these two dies..and I could make that promise easily.. so I did.

Then he goes with me to pick her up again, and the breeder (bless her soul) told him in no uncertain terms that she would not give a refund again. She told him that she was not in the breeding for the money, and she knew that I would provide this puppy with a forever home from the first moment I held her. She told him that she knew that I was a rare one, and she believed that I needed to give this baby a home forever. She told him that the money that I was willing to pay for her spoke volumes about that committment. She showed him in the sales contract where it is written in all caps that she will not give a refund under ANY circumstances once the puppy leaves her home. I know that if she did not give a refund, I would not have a legal leg to stand on in court because it is written out and I signed the contract knowing this. I was lucky that she agreed to take her back in the first place. She said that he needed to be SURE that he was okay with this because she would not refund the money again. Yeah, she said that 3 or 4 times before we left that night. So, he promised me that he would not harbor resentment or anger towards me or the puppy, and he said that he was okay with it to her.

I am still a little weary this morning.. but I am a bit encouraged because he held her all the way home..he let her lick him to pieces..and this morning, he was so cute taking him with her down the stairs to go potty.. I told him when we got up that I had to put my hose on before I could go downstairs with him and the dogs.. but when I came into the living room, he had her outside already, and he was playing with Chewi and the puppy.I am glad that he came around..and I do think she will grow on him. I had spent a bit of time with her prior to picking her up.. so I was already attached to her..Heh.. He was toast once he held her all the way home..I knew he would be once he spent a little bit of time with her.

If I am being honest though.. Having a special needs kitty that is well on her way to being whole again, a new puppy, and a somewhat jealous Chew-Chew-Boo is quite taxing on a girl's nerves..

Well, I have to go to work now.. so imagine a drum roll if you will.. I think that I have decided on her official name for her papers..

She is sleeping on her blanket right now, in our biggest laundry basket.. and she is just too precious..Tonight, when he gets home I have to go to PetSmart or Petco and get her some sort of chew toy, some puppy chow, and one of those water bottles that has the little ball in the end. I tried to give her water in a dish last night, and she would not drink it. She would put her face in the water, shake the wet off, and turn away from it.

I have never had a dog do the water bottle thing before. I also have to find a crate for her that fits her through her life until she gets grown. Chewi's cage is way too large for this little munchkin..

Oh, and Moose? she has grow a foot I think since the last pictures a couple of weeks ago. I really think that this chiropractor is working miracles with her. :)

I've been away too long!

2008-03-20T14:24:00.006-04:00

Good Afternoon!

As i sit here having my lunch, I thought that I would write in my blog..If you have ever read my blog, I apologize to you for not writing more frequently. In the months since my last entry, my life has really been interesting.

As usual, I am listening to another audiobook during my breaks. The one that is playing now is called "The Things We Do For Love" by Kristin Hannah.. If you are an avid reader of either physical books or a listener to unabridged audiobooks, you owe it to youself to hear or read this particular author.

She has a new book out called FireFly Lane.. Her blog can be found at: http://www.kristinhannah.com/

On the right side, you will see the link to click for her blog. I have reviewed the book in my eBay reviews and guides section at: http://catalog.ebay.com/_W0QQ_fclsZ1QQ_pidZ63094363QQ_tabZ3QQ_uaidZ14693342

I have become so addicted to audiobooks that I decided about a month or so ago to sell them here: http://stores.ebay.com/AmazingAudiobooks-Softflex-Gloves

If you go to my store to look around, I thank you a lot! I am really trying to get my store up and running, so I thought that selling bestselling audiobooks would bring lovers of audiobooks and the people that offer them together. I totally love listening to them. I hope you will catch the fever too!

The other item that I sell primarily is called Softflex Gloves. Those gloves work small miracle's for people that have possible issues with carpal tunnel syndrome. They could help the wearer to avoid the surgery altogether. Of course, that statement is not a guarantee, but the gloves have helped a lot of folks by their design. I hope that for whatever reason, you will click into my store and/or to Kristin Hannah's website to read her blog!

At the top of this blog page, there is a picture of my new Shih Tzu puppy that will be coming home with me on Easter! Is she not the cutest little thing?

Would you help me try to name her by the picture you have? I have not ever been really good at naming my puppies, but I do know that it is time to get another puppy since I lost Kayla so long ago. I think that I will always miss her, my Kayla, but I need to have another little girl to love and give that forever home to.. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to leave a comment on my blog..

Thanks so much for reading! My lunch is over, so I gotta go back to work.. I hope to write more blog entries this year.. I also hope to read a few reader comments in the near future! I really DO want to hear what kind of names my reader's could come up with.

I need an "official" regal-type of name for her AKC papers.. but then I need to have a name that we call her normally..

So, readers.. What is the first name that pops into your head when you see the picture of my new puppy? I would love to read your suggestions! Thanks so much!

Linda

Have you listened to a good audiobook lately?

2007-09-19T08:52:00.001-04:00

Good Morning Readers..

I hope you enjoy the picture to the right above. I took it when I visited Puerto Rico in early 2004 with a friend. I think out of all of the pictures that I took then, this one is my favorite! I could not have been more excited when I entered it into a photo contest. It won! Somewhere out there, it is in a coffee table book, on someone's table, or others coffee tables.. I was excited back then.. Oh well.. on to my blog entry..

Ever since I started my new career as a medical transcriptionist, I have discovered the joy of listening to audiobooks on CD. Years ago, I thought that they were kind of boring.. Monotone voices read the shortened books without emotion or passion in their voice. Since I have always absolutely adored reading a good, juicy book, I wanted to read the whole book.. so I would spend countless hours getting lost in the characters in each book, making up the voices for each of the characters in the book.. trying to pronounce the names that were not easy to understand.. Ya know what I mean? I started reading books when I was very small.. around the 2nd grade.. I would beg my mom to buy any of the Bobbsey Twins books that would come out. At Christmas and my birthday, I could almost count on someone in the family giving me a new book that was suited for my age.. I loved the Bobbsey Twins, Nancy Drew mysteries, some of the Hardy Boys.. (though not as many of them)

Have any of my readers ever grew up imagining themselves living in those fictional families to escape their own home? In the late 60s into the early 70s, it was known that a lot of families were abusive or dysfunctional in some fashion. Mine was no exception. So, I would escape into these fictional books with the loving families.. Where the parents loved their children unconditionally.. where they did not dangle their love in their faces only to retract that same love if they did not do whatever task it was that needed doing at the time. God how I wished for a family like I read about.

Since then, I cannot tell you how many countless books that I have read as I have grown up into womanhood. I don't read them so much these days for an escape, but rather because I truly enjoy reading really well-written books. I really can't get enough time to read as much as I would if I had the illusion of time at my disposal..

**SIGH** I don't.

If you haven't had a chance to read any of Lisa Scottoline's books, do yourself a favor.. Go to your local library and get a few. They are SUPERBLY funny yet have the capability to provide legal thriller emotion as well. Scottoline is an attorney in her previous life. She has created a cast of wonderfully refreshing female attorney characters.. This first book that I am listening to is called "Killer Smile". The main character is attorney Mary Denuncio.. She is something else! After I listened to the first 3 of the 9 CDs in this unabridged audiobook, I promptly went to the library in my county and checked out every single unabridged audiobooks by this author, and then got a wild hair across my butt and checked out the available hardcover books that did not have any available audiobooks in my county library.

The reader of these audiobooks is Barbara Rosenblatt. This woman is an actress by trade, and even if the characters are males, you could not tell it because the woman is so talented in her voices. I just love this reader!

I got hooked on audiobooks through my mom. It started off rather innocently. I was groaning at the thought of my previous assumptions of monotone voices reading some shortened books on cassette tape. Then she pulls out the audiobook, and it had CDs!! What did she do that for??? I haven't owned a cassette player in many, many years.. but CDs!!! I could cover that! She was listening to Nora Roberts..

I had already read many of Nora's books, a lot of her trilogies, and my attention was easy to grab because the reader of those Nora Robert's books also had the ability to use their voice to lend different voice inflections and emotion to each individual character in the book. So, I listened with her.. I was hooked!

Anyway.. back to this audiobook that I am listening to.. You just have to go get this book! I do not think that I have enjoyed a book so much in a really long time! I went through the period of John Grisham books and I lost my thirst for legal thrillers because his books, especially from the time that he wrote The Brethren. I lost interest with that book. I figured that most of the legal thrillers from that point on would not interest me..

Thankfully, I have changed my mind.. Thanks to Lisa Scottoline! I have Jodi Piccoult in my collection of audiobooks to listen to after I am through with Lisa's books.. LOL.. IF I ever finish reading and/or listening to them all!

Anyway.. The book is almost done.. I am listening to the last CD in the "Killer Smile" audiobook.. It did not give away the culprit until the 8th CD. I usually can figure out who the culprit is before the 2nd or 3rd CD plays. Not the case here.. There were so many active characters in this book.. you had to hold on tight to get to the end.. You could not even begin to put the CDs down. I carried the whole book with me when I was driving.. When I was getting up in the morning, like today.. when I was done with work or on a break.

Hehehehe.. my husband just rolls his eyes when I put one in the CD player.. He is still thinking that audiobooks are boring.. He just doesn't realize what he is missing..

Now, HE reads boring books.. LOLOL.. Poor guy.. :) Ya'll have a great day!

Written in memory of my Kayla Bear..09/03/2006

2007-09-18T10:10:00.000-04:00

I have been really having a hard time of it lately! I meant to post about this on Labor Day weekend, but it was just too painful then to remember.

If I do have readers, I apologize for not writing sooner...

See, 1 year ago Labor Day weekend, I had to make the very painful decision to put my 17-year-old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel down due to health reasons.

There are 2 pictures of her at the top of this blog entry. The one to the far right was taken when she was 6 years old. I took her with me when I had some professional shots taken of myself. Doesn't she look regal and queenish? ;)

The one beside that was taken when she was 17. It was in the month of July. She was playing with our German Shepard, Chewi, on the front porch. If you didn't know better, you would swear she was still very young, no?

Her name was Kayla Bear. I got her when she was barely 6 weeks old, and I was blessed with her presence in my life for 17 beautiful years.

Were you aware that Cavalier King Charles Spaniels have a genetic issue in that most of them will be born with or develop a heart murmur by the time they reach 6 years old?

Kayla's heart murmur was discovered when she was about 5 years old. At that time, the vet told me that it would not interfere with her quality of life because it was very minor. He said it was a 1/6 murmur, with 6/6 being the worst type of murmur. He also told me at the time that her breed's life expectancy was approximately 12 years old. Of course, I asked him all sorts of questions then and learned all that I could about this medical condition from a pet owner's point of view.

About 3 months later, she developed a minor case of leg tremors/shakes, possibly epilepsy as well. My vet told me that in her case, it was stress related. He said that if she noticed that I was upset for a long period of time, that she could very well have the tremors that she was experiencing in order to cause my attention to shift from whatever she perceived as a bad situation to her situation. He said that when it happened, that she would drag herself to my side, be shaking all over, but it was not an actual epileptic seizure. He said her back legs would not work until she was calm again. He said it would not effect her quality of life in any way.

I had no idea at the time that our pets were so into their humans that they would try to divert attention from stressful situations. Does anyone realize that? So, I started watching when it happened. It would happen if I was having an argument with my mom. It would happen if loud music was playing, or if there was any situation going on where her lifestyle would be affected.. for example, moving from one place to another.. She was a very smart little dog. :)

Anyway, the vet said when this happened with her, I needed to get in the floor with her on her level, pet her continuously, rubbing her back legs for a long period of time until she calmed down and returned to normal. Hence, I would be calmed as well because I was worried about her.

After that time, her seizures only happened about 4 times throughout the rest of her life. They did not happen at all during the last 7 years of her life. I was very thankful for that. I managed to find out the reasons for my own inner turmoil and thereby stop the stress that I felt on a daily basis then.

Anyway, Kayla was the light of my life for so many years that I ache for her even a year after she passed onto the Rainbow Bridge. I know she is no longer in pain there, and that she is playing with other residents of Rainbow Bridge. I pray that I will see her again one day in the future.

She weighed about 19 pounds, and if there were other dogs in our household, she made sure that they knew that SHE was the queen of the pack.. Ya'll should have seen her ruling 5 German Shepard puppies that were born to our 2 German Shepard mixes when she was about 7 years old. She was SO much smaller than they were, and she totally ran the pack with grace and a few growls here and there. :) It was amazing to me to watch her round all of the puppies up and walk them out the door in a line to go potty outside when they were old enough to walk. They took to her like a 2nd mommy, even though their own mom was right there. She would keep them from Cynda once their teeth came in, and I think that she had an agreement with Cynda when it came to when they nursed and how they would do so. It was like the 2 of them worked in conjunction with each other. She would nudge them away from Cynda after they fed to keep them from continuing to grab onto her nipples with those razor-sharp teeth of theirs. I was so amazed at how that worked.

She also like to play with those huge rubber bands that you see in the office supply stores. She would bring one to me, and get me to hold one end of it while she backed up and stretched it out as far as it would go.. then you could see her ears perk up and she would get this totally mischevious look on her face right before she let the rubber band go! Can you say OUCH!!! It was one of her favorite games to play with anyone that she could get to engage in it. I did not allow her to keep the rubber bands once she bit them into for safety reasons, but she could entertain herself and her playmate for hours with that one thing.

She also liked nuts.. you know how you get assorted mixed nuts in the shells at the holidays? Kayla loved nuts! She could crack them with her jaw, even the Brazil nuts in the shell! My mom was insane about nuts at the holidays. She would buy several pounds of the mixed nuts and use them as a centerpiece with some fruit on the dining room table from Thanksgiving through New Years. One day, she was cracking them while watching TV and she noticed that Kayla was waiting patiently for a nut. So, she would crack one for herself, then crack one for Kayla.. She got tired of doing that rather quickly, and threw a whole one on the floor beside Kayla. It took Kayla about 1 minute or less to crack it and eat it.. She would even leave the bitters in pecans and only get the pecan nutmeat!

So, she liked nuts so much, that one day the nut bowl was left on the floor over night.. I know you know where I am going with this, don't you? :) My mom left about 3/4 of a bowl beside her recliner when she went to bed. She did not think that Kayla would mess with them. Boy, was she wrong.. :)

When she got up the next morning, all that was left of that bowl of nuts were the empty shells all over the floor around that nut bowl. From then on, she was nicknamed the Nut Bandit.. :)

The stories about my Kayla Bear could go on and on.. I will continue them on future blog entries as a tribute to my baby.. I so miss her.. I am going to be seeking out another little dog in the next few months.. I think that I am going to go with a Shih Tzu this time. Long, long story..

Thanks for reading this far.. I hope to hear from you soon!
Linda
http://stores.ebay.com/Your-SoftFlex-Gloves-Plus-More_W0QQssPageNameZl2QQtZkm

A month long Pampered Chef party! What do you know??

2007-08-29T23:22:00.000-04:00

I thought that I would mention that I have a new eBay store. I put the link at the bottom of my first blog, but I think that I should mention it more than once. So, if you are in the market for an excellent used digital camera or you type all day for a living, and as a result you have developed hand and wrist pain.. I have an item or two that may interest you.

Here is the link:http://stores.ebay.com/Your-SoftFlex-Gloves-Plus-More_W0QQssPageNameZl2QQtZkm

Also, I am holding a Loooonnnggg Pampered Chef party during September that is catalog only. If you are interested in purchasing PC for someone's Christmas gift, then please consider placing your order with me! If you are an avid PC fan, then you know that their new line comes out in September each year. This year they have some ROCKING New Items! New Stainless Steel Cookware, New Simple Additions to add to your existing collection.. and on and on.. New gadgets, too!
I am trying to earn enough to get some of those items for little cost, as most party hostesses do.

As I have mentioned, I have to have surgery soon.. Surgery that is very necessary, but OH SO Unwanted. I So wish I did not have to go through this surgery again.. for a 4th time. So, to get my mind off of it, I decided to host this September party for my PC representative. She needs to raise extra money for her own personal reasons.. and I need to get my mind off of some really hard to deal with surgery. So please, won't you help a girl out here? It would make me so happy to get a huge PC party order before I go in for surgery.

As you may or may not know, PC can be shipped directly to your door. You do not have to attend a physical party. Beginning September 1, which is Saturday.. you can go to http://www.pamperedchef.com/ and look at the product listing for either the new or the older items, and when you see what you would like to order.. just send me an email to: Lindahensens@nc.rr.com and let me know where to ship it, what method of payment you would like to use, and what items you would like.

Keep in mind that I will be gathering orders for most of September. Your credit cards will not be charged until it is shipped from the factory. If you want to send money orders or checks, they will not be cashed until the party goes in for processing. There will be a wait involved, and I want to be sure that people know this up front. This is not a typical PC party where the orders go in when you actually place them.

It is late right now.. so I am gonna sign off.. and hopefully.. people will read my blog and start to comment. Maybe I will make a few friends along the way..

I really am not a bad person.. I am just going through what seems like a ton of issues these past few weeks, and I am overwhelmed with all of them coming down on me at one time.. Frustrating to say the least. Makes me want to cry for days sometimes. It is very cathartic getting it out of my system.. but I wonder if the people who are reading this think ill of me because it seems like I am ranting more often than not. Trust me, I will stop ranting once I get it all out. I promise.. I do have a sense of humor every once in a while.. :)

I hope to have a few readers one day.. Until then.. have a great night.. :)
Linda

Have you ever encountered this??

2007-08-29T10:42:00.000-04:00

Good Morning!

As I sit here reading some of the blogs that I have discovered lately, I am amazed at the talent that some folks have for writing.

This morning has been fairly uneventful. I had a very irritating day yesterday, so I think that will be the subject of my blog today.

Have you ever had an experience with someone who claims to be a professional, only to find out that your original assessment was somewhat left of center for that so-called professional?

In my case, the professional that I went to see last week is the purpose of this blog. See, I need surgery, and my PCP sent me to a general surgeon that she "trusts". Yeah, right.. Makes me wonder.

He tells me that he will do the surgery that I need, that I just need to have my current doctor coordinate with him so that I can get the best possible care for my current issues.

So, I make an emergent appointment with my regular doctor the next day. He calls this surgeon while he is in my examination room and leaves a message for him to call him back. No return call. He leaves another message on Friday. No return call. Monday comes, he leaves another message.. still no return call.

I call the surgeon Friday and Monday, leaving messages.. No return calls to me either. Yesterday, I finally get the brilliant idea to call my PCP that referred me to this guy and ask her to call him. She does, and miraculously, he calls her back. That is when this story becomes totally ludicrous! He tells her that he never agreed to do the surgery that I need. He tells her that he does not understand where I got that from.. How can anyone misunderstand a direct statement that says "if you have your regular doctor call me and coordinate care, then I will do the surgery?"

Being that I do medical transcription for a living, I know that I heard him say that. I know that the quote above is verbatim, word for word.. Now it looks like I am the loopy one and that I misunderstood..

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr... Can we say UNPROFESSIONAL!!! I have to wonder about any professional that tells any of their clients one thing, and then tells a colleague a completely different other thing. Man, that chaps my butt!

**Sigh** So, now I have to start over.. I have to find another surgeon. Why don't I want to go to my regular hospital, you want to know? Mainly because that hospital is more than an hour and a half away from me now. If something should happen once I am sent home, finding an ambulance to take me back there will be MAJORLY expensive to say the least. I was hoping to go to a hospital that is close by so that if something does happen, getting to the hospital will not be as difficult to accomplish.

Yes, I am disillusioned as I write this. I have such a problem with people of any profession that say one thing and mean another. Where are the ethics in this country? Is the concept of professional integrity so far gone, that no one practices it anymore? Am I the only one in this country that will keep my word when I commit to something? I mean really.. I do take time to decide if something that is being requested of me can be done on my current schedule. I look at all the possibilities before I say yes or no. However, if I make a committment to anyone, I will keep that committment even if I later change my mind and decide that I really wish I would have said no when that person asked me to do whatever..

Where is the integrity that most of us were raised with? What happened to make it all disappear? I just want to know that. We all, as a country, need to reassess and figure out when we decided to not keep our committments and what we can do to get our professional integrity back into the core values and the core beliefs that this country was founded on.

Rant over.. Aren't you glad? :)

Have you read YOUR medical record lately?

2007-08-27T12:59:00.000-04:00

Good Afternoon!

This blogging stuff is new to me.. I think I might like it though.. :) I just have to get in the mindset to talk a lot! Which really isn't a problem for me as my future readers will find out.

Have you ever wondered what is in YOUR medical record? I am a medical transcriptionist by trade, and since I have been in this profession I decided that I wanted to see my own medical records.. What did I do that for?

I was appalled by how many errors were in those permanent records. You know, records that you cannot legally alter? If a mistake is entered into your personal medical record, you cannot have it removed. Did you know that? If a nurse or resident puts in your medical record that you are antisocial or possibly paranoid, etc.. and then they do not mention why you felt the need to act in such a way.. you are permanently thought of that way. Their motto is that past behavior is indicative of future behavior..

You can add an addendum to correct the misinformation.. but if the next doctor, nurse, or other medical personnel that reads your record happens to read the wrong information and does not pay attention to any of the corrected information, (Sadly, most of the people do not read the information that they need to read to learn your situation) your very life could be in jeopardy.

Medications that you may have taken that did not agree with you could be given to you and cause you to have an allergic reaction. If you take 60 micrograms of a medication, and the doctor mistakenly writes 600 milligrams of this medication, did you know that your health could be in danger?

I work very hard to be sure that what I transcribe is correct, yet I have absolutely no control over what the doctor says. I cannot alter what he/she dictates.

So, I am using today's blog to hopefully get the word out to everyone who is a patient now, or who has been one in the past, to check your own medical records! Make sure that what actually should be in there is there, and that the misinformation is corrected.

Your life or the lives of your family could very well depend on that. I know it is a pain to get your records, and for some it is quite costly. Yet, this is something that needs to go on your own "To Do List" Yesterday.

I asked one of my own doctors just last month if he ever actually reads the written records that he dictates, because there were so many mistakes in just ONE of his clinic visits for me that I had to wonder if he just automatically signed the paper and did not actually read it to make sure it was done right.

He is a great doctor, and he actually went through it with me, marking the errors in medications, diagnoses, and general spelling errors in it, and then he had it corrected for me and sent me the newly corrected copy.. Most doctors do not do that..

You have to be your own champion.. your children's champion, your spouse's champion, and lastly your parent's/siblings/and other family's champion. No one else will do it for you.. Don't even get me started on the HIPAA laws, either..

Thanks for reading today!

Wasting time in Wally World when I could be doing something better

2007-08-27T00:24:00.000-04:00

I think that I was standing in Wal-Mart around 7:30 PM tonight.. talking the guy behind me, commiserating with him about how sad it was that Wal-Mart has what.. 25 cashier stations in total, not counting specific department cash registers, and on Sunday night.. with all of their store crammed with folks shopping for the new school week on Monday, they choose to only have 4 cashier-manned registers that have at least 10 carts deep in each of the 4 lines??? AND they are not opening other checkouts to accommodate the masses that are choosing to spend their hard earned money in their store??? What is wrong with THAT picture?

How sad it is that you spend more time waiting to check out that you did shopping in the freakin store! Really.. I went in that store at 6:15 PM, had my grocery list and my I-cannot-see-anything-not-on-my-list glasses on, and I was headed for the checkout lanes by 6:45 PM. I was so proud that I did not put anything unplanned in the cart, ya know?

Anyway.. I slid my debit card through the machine at 7:51 PM.. ONE HOUR and SIX MINUTES!!!!! Can you freaking believe that, folks? I swear.. they must have had to go potty or something.. all at the same time.. After all, there HAS to be a reason why 21 of the 25 available cashier lanes were not being used.. especially with most lines having anywhere from 7 to 10 carts in the lines.. I just do not get it.. Of course, the self-checkout lanes were open, but who do you know that wants to scan their own merchandise, bag that stuff.. and have to pay a store for the priviledge? Do you all know anyone? I will go through a checkout like that if I have 2-5 items.. but a whole shopping cart? Nope.. Nada.. Not gonna happen.. Although, I remember quite vividly being a cashier in various types of stores in my youth.. and I remember what a pain in patootey it was even then..

Ya know, I sent a note to self several weeks back that told me not to go to Wally World on Sunday evening.. Self did not pay one bit of attention.. So, I wrote another note to self tonight.. Wonder if I will listen this time.. LOLOL.. Probably not.. I never do..

Ok, I decided to check out my new store and see if showed up in a Google search, and I am WAY excited to see that it shows up as the 2nd link availability when you do a search for the SoftFlex gloves.. What a RUSH that is.. I was thinking that it would not even show up at all..

Speaking of which.. I don't care for the name that I came up with.. Anybody got any ideas on what a catchy store name would be? I cannot come up with something that is catchy enough to get the attention of people.. I suppose that I should be quite happy with it showing up in the first 2 links on Google.. So, I will just shut up now.. Right.. sure I will..

I look forward to getting comments, so if you are reading this blog.. please let me know!

http://stores.ebay.com/Your-SoftFlex-Gloves-Plus-More_W0QQssPageNameZl2QQtZkm